It's OK to Not Be OK: Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster of Midlife

We've all heard the phrase: "It's OK to not be OK." It's become a mental health mantra, hasn't it? A gentle reminder that we don't have to have it all figured out all the time. But what happens when you're not OK with just "not being OK"? What happens when existing in that space starts to feel like you're not really living at all?

I've been grappling with this for months now. I'm riding the emotional rollercoaster of the highest highs and the lowest lows. One moment I'm filled with gentle, loving happiness and confidence. The next, I'm consumed by anger, irritation, shame, and a profound sense of loss. It's exhausting, this full spectrum of feeling.

I tried explaining it to my husband recently. I searched for the right words to capture this restlessness. "I'm just not OK with being OK," I finally said. "This doesn't feel like living." The words hung in the air between us. Much as he tries, he can't relate. I realized I need to take back control and navigate this storm.

The Midlife Reckoning

At 41, I'm navigating what feels like a perfect storm. The classic symptoms of perimenopause are making themselves known. My body is changing in ways that feel both foreign and inevitable. There's this peculiar midlife awareness creeping in: everything I haven't done, everything I regret, and everything I still dream of achieving. All while my body protests with new aches and pains that seem to appear overnight.

It's a strange place to find yourself, isn't it? Too young to feel old, too old to feel young. The bank balance doesn't stretch to fulfilling my wildest dreams. The energy levels don't match my ambition. I'm left somewhere in the middle – not quite here, not quite there. Add job dissatisfaction into the mix. That nagging feeling that I'm meant to be doing something else but can't quite put my finger on what. The sense of being lost and overwhelmed becomes even more pronounced.

Here's what I want you to know: this is completely normal. More normal than we care to admit. This phase of life – this in-between space where you're questioning everything while feeling stuck in place – is something countless women experience. You're not broken, you're not failing. You're simply human, navigating one of life's more complex chapters.

First Things First: Check the Basics

Before we dive deeper, it's worth saying that if these feelings persist, it's always sensible to seek medical advice. Get your hormones checked out, discuss any concerns with your GP, and rule out anything that might need attention. Perimenopause and hormonal changes can wreak havoc on our mental wellbeing. There's no shame in getting professional support.

But what if everything appears 'normal' on paper? What if the blood tests come back fine, but you still feel this profound sense of being lost? What if you can't simply jack in your day job and start over? This is where I've had to get creative with my approach to life.

Filling the Gaps

I've come to the realization that if I can't overhaul my entire life overnight, perhaps I need to fill up my spare time with things that I love. It sounds simple, doesn't it? Yet somewhere along the way, many of us have forgotten what brings us joy outside of our responsibilities.

I've started reconnecting with old passions – those things I used to love before life got in the way. I find solace in gardening, learning about flowers and their witchy roots. My allotment has become my haven, a place where I can lose myself in the earth and the seasons. I'm lucky to be part of an amazing book club where we women have become firm friends, sharing stories and laughter long after the book discussions.

I want to pursue other passions too – graveyards and history, to be precise. There's something deeply grounding about connecting with the past, about walking amongst weathered headstones and imagining the lives that came before us. Small steps, perhaps, but meaningful ones.

Because here's what I've discovered: when the big picture feels overwhelming and unchangeable, focusing on the small pockets of time we can control makes an enormous difference.

Finding Light in Community

As I mulled over these feelings, something became clear to me: I believe that a sense of community and belonging is the answer – for me anyway. I feel incredibly privileged to be part of a wonderful tribe of women who, between us, most definitely do not have our lives together! We're all trying to figure it out, each at different levels of happiness and contentment. We constantly shift between having it all sorted and completely falling apart.

Connecting with women who are going through similar experiences has helped me immensely. There's something profoundly comforting about realizing you're not the only one questioning everything at this stage of life. This isn't about comparison or finding comfort in others' struggles. It's not about looking around the group and thinking, "Well, at least I'm doing better than her." It's about something far more profound: witnessing each other and saying, "I see you, and I understand how you feel."

There's something deeply healing about being truly seen in your messiness. About having someone nod knowingly when you describe feeling like you're drowning in your own life. About being part of a group where vulnerability isn't just accepted – it's expected.

The Magic of Being Witnessed

In our culture of curated social media feeds and "living your best life" mantras, there's radical power in admitting that sometimes your best life feels a bit rubbish. There's freedom in acknowledging that the journey isn't always beautiful, that growth can be uncomfortable, and that figuring it out is a lifelong process, not a destination.

When we create spaces where women can be honest about their struggles – whether it's perimenopause, midlife crisis, career dissatisfaction, relationship challenges, or simply the overwhelming nature of modern life – we give each other permission to be human. Fully, messily, authentically human.

You're Not Alone

If you're reading this and thinking, "Yes, this is exactly how I feel," know that you're not alone. If you're tired of pretending everything is fine when it's not, if you're struggling with the gap between where you are and where you thought you'd be, if you're not OK with just "not being OK" – there are others who understand.

Consider joining a book club where conversations flow beyond the pages and friendships blossom. Try a walking group – perhaps join us for our Hot Girl Wellness Walks, where we combine gentle movement with honest conversation. Or if the thought of sitting around a fire in the woods with a warm mug of cocoa sounds heavenly, join us for our Wild Moon Gatherings and retreats, where we create space for reflection and connection under the stars.

The path forward isn't about having all the answers (though if you do, please do share them!). It's about recognizing that the questions themselves are valid, that the struggle is real, and that sometimes the most radical thing we can do is admit we don't have it all figured out.

It's about finding your tribe, your people, your community of fellow travelers who are willing to witness your journey without trying to fix it, judge it, or compare it to their own. Because maybe, just maybe, the answer isn't about becoming OK with not being OK.

Maybe it's about finding connection in the midst of the chaos, community in the confusion, and understanding that we're all just figuring it out as we go along.

And perhaps that's enough. Perhaps that's everything.